Have you ever wondered what femininity really is? Why some women seem to have a life-giving essence about them? Have you ever sabotaged your feminine self in your relationships? I sure have.

We discussed femininity in a recent LIFE COACHING class at A Belle Vi. It was interesting what came out in our discussion. I started thinking about it some more, did a little research and dug into my soul. The following is what I came up with. What are your thoughts on being feminine? Our ideas change over time, so let’s embrace where we are today as we look forward to all the positive changes over the years.

It’s crazy how we all need to feel accepted, loved and worthy, yet so often we create our own relational problems, because we don’t see the big picture. We have limited vision, and we end up listening to lies that tell us we’re not worthy or enough. However, it is one of our greatest desires to be fully known and fully loved, isn’t it?

Femininity comes by realizing that we are enough, that we are worthy, that we can be known and loved. This is probably true of masculinity, for men also. Recently, I came to realize I was sabotaging my friendships.

An incident had happened with a friend, early in life that affected me deeply, and I began carrying around this feeling that I was not worthy of true friendship. So any time friends got too close, I would begin to unknowingly sabotage the relationship. Isn’t it interesting how our psyche works?

In a way it protects us, but in the end we suffer deeply, painfully—especially when we listen to the wrong voices. Voices that speak of unworthiness and lack, that tell us we’re not enough—and never will be.

Because of my painful experience and many others I’m sure, I really didn’t know if I was feminine. Was “feminine” soft, whiny, maybe a push-over? Was it beautiful, strong, benevolent, generous? Was it even attainable?

I was always trying to gain approval and acceptance, totally missing the gift of femininity. And the truth is, most of us have wounds of a similar nature. Wounds, that left festering, will fill us with all kinds of self-doubt and depression, along with feelings of lack and unworthiness.

Today, I am able to fill my mind with positive thoughts toward my feminine self. My creativity, knowing my true identity in The Creator, having feelings of worthiness and speaking my truth are all involved in femininity. It is what we show to the world through our actions, when we no longer feel as if we are not enough. It is the authentic self.

Femininity is the energy I give out as the true me. it shows up when I’m willing to unmask and stop pretending, when I stop trying to get love and approval from others. My femininity blossoms when I realize that I am already worth it. I am enough. The Creator has breathed his breath (and life!) into me—and sealed the deal. Only He gets to tell me who I am.

As worthy and enough, I am able to give love first. To reach out first, to start the conversation, to welcome others. The real me is authentic, vulnerable, and true to my feminine essence. My feminine energy is my life force. I am able to be myself. I am real. I have stopped pretending. I can fully be who I was created to be.

As a feminine woman, I am love. My true gift comes from my feminine core which is love. Love given from a Creator Father who Himself is love. As a person who has not always felt worthy or enough, these truths sometimes seem hard to say. However, as I was looking into femininity, I found a lot of helpful hopeful ideas that ring true with me. My true self comes alive when I hear truth.

However, to get to that point—alive to our femininity—we usually have to deal with all the yucky stuff first. Because there’s a reason we got to feeling unworthy and not enough. So, sitting with my feelings of fear and unworthiness, emptiness, etc. — letting them rise and come out of me over time— has been part of the process of growing into my femininity.

And as I become more real, even in letting the painful feelings out, I also free up the feelings of connectedness and love. I am free to be feminine. To give love instead of trying to get it. I feel attractive, loving, kind, resourceful. I’m no longer looking for approval or accolades.

I am feminine. I am real and authentic, vulnerable and true to my feminine essence. I am enough and I am worthy of good friendships and healthy relationships.

And so are you.

My encouragement to everyone is to get with people who can help you become all that you were created to be. Lean into the ugly stuff and let it go. This is a process and may take time. It may take counseling, prayer or a LIFE COACHING class at A Belle Vi. Be authentic to your truly beautiful self—and live with joy and freedom and hope! Let your femininity blossom!